Love Your Neighbor

“…’You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” ~Mark 12:31, NKJV.

We are all familiar with these words that appear many times in the Old and New Testament and also in essence in the teachings of other faiths. What do these words really mean to us? Do they make us uncomfortable or even frighten us? Sometimes I think that they do.

We are living in frightening times. Uppermost on everyone’s mind is of course the economy and how it will affect us. As a financial counselor and CPA, I see this daily in the faces of those who sit with me in my conference room. As I read the newspaper, and see notices of job lay-offs, business closing,  salary and benefit cuts, etc., I think: “How will these things affect my  relatives, clients, and  friends? These people are my neighbors!”

Dear readers, all around us, our neighbors are hurting. They are afraid. They are filled with anxiety, uncertainty, and dread. Our neighbors are worried about losing their jobs, their homes, and the comfortable retirement they have planned. They fear becoming sick or injured, knowing that out-of-control healthcare costs may very well ruin them financially. Many of our neighbors are financially supporting not only themselves, but children, grandchildren, and elderly relatives as well. They wonder how they can possibly continue to do this.  Many are afraid of an explosion in crime that often accompanies hard times. Many of our neighbors are worried about how financial pressures will affect their families. Will already stressed marriages survive? Will  maturing children be able to find jobs and become self-sufficient?  Will increased stress cause loved ones to turn to substance abuse in a desperate attempt to cope? What does the future hold?

The above are not happy thoughts, but I assure you that your neighbors are thinking them.  Psychotherapists tell me that their appointment books are full. Divorce and bankruptcy lawyers tell me that their business is booming. The neighbors that I am writing about may be you. Let’s look at some ways that we can help our neighbors in these difficult times.

First of all, get to know your neighbors.  Several weeks ago, our neighborhood organized a crime awareness meeting. Officers of the Jackson Police Department spoke to us about what we could do to prevent crime in our neighborhood. Those fine officers told us that one of the main reason there are so many residential break-ins and home invasions is that people no longer know their neighbors. We all lead such busy, compartmentalized lives that we don’t take time to really get to know our neighbors. We are not involved in their lives. We no longer take the time to visit on front porches or across backyard fences. We don’t talk with them to shares our troubles and triumphs. Since we no longer really know our neighbors and they don’t know us, we don’t watch out for one another. We don’t keep an eye on their homes and cars. We tend to mind our own business so much that we don’t notice when things are not going well.   In reality, some of the finest and most interesting people that you will ever meet live down the street or around the corner. The problem is that once we get to really know our neighbors, we will start caring about them and they will start caring about us. Sadly, this bumps some of us out of our comfort zones.

Secondly, listen to your neighbors.   Talking is important, but listening is so much more important. We all know how to talk, but listening is a skill that must be acquired.  Loving your neighbor is not about giving advice, solving problems, or taking on their burdens; it is about listening and caring.  We have a tendency to avoid people with troubles.  Anyone who has suffered a serious illness, a death in the family, job loss, bankruptcy, divorce and other marital problems, etc. will tell you that some of their friends disappeared from the scene. Unconsciously, we fear that their misfortune is contagious and will contaminate us. The conscious reason however, is that we feel awkward.  Remember those awful junior high school dances? The boys were on one side of the gym and the girls on the other. Each side stared at the other side, giggling nervously, not knowing how to cross the wide distance and ask for a dance. We simply don’t know what to do or what to say! We know that our neighbor has lost his job, and we are so sorry for him and his family. However, we are afraid to ask “How are you doing?” because we are afraid of the answer. We don’t know what to do with the answer, for in our culture, we expect a clear solution to every problem.  If we ask the question, “ How are you making it?”, we feel responsible for the answer and solution as well.  If our friend answers, “I am scared,” we feel that we must have a solution to offer. Now that scares us, the listeners! We feel that we must do something!  In reality, our hurting neighbors don’t expect us to have the solution at hand. All they want us to do is to listen and to care.

Third,  seek out your neighbors. People that are having financial difficulties are ashamed. They are embarrassed. They think that others will think less of them. This is especially true with men, for in our culture, a man so often feels that the measure of his worth is determined by his financial success or the lack of it.  A man bears a terrible weight if he feels that he cannot adequately provide for his family. If you sense, if you feel, if you hear that your neighbors are having financial hardship, don’t wait. Go to them now in friendship, and offer them fellowship.  You don’t have to take solutions, but it would be nice to take a meal, take them out to dinner, or invite them to dine in your home. Perhaps you can do something anonymously. A gift certificate for a ham will help feed a family for a week or more.  When people in distress know that they are surrounded by people who genuinely care, their burden becomes lighter because it is shared. The time has come in America when we must become serious about sharing each other’s burdens.

Fourth, do business with your neighbor. Shop in local stores. Dine in local, family owned restaurants. To the extent possible, buy goods and services locally. Do what you can to support our local economy.  Keep your eyes and ears open. Your neighbor may have lost his job, but might have skills that you can use. Perhaps you can hire him to help  paint your house or build a deck. Perhaps you can hire his son to mow your yard. If we begin to seriously think of the welfare of our neighbors that surround us, we will ALL benefit.

Fifth, share with your neighbor. To a greater or lesser degree, we all are feeling the pinch of hard economic times. Some are genuinely suffering, while other are only inconvenienced. We can share with our neighbors by giving to them directly, by giving to our churches and synagogues, and by supporting local charitable organizations. The West Tennessee Healthcare Foundation, RIFA, the Salvation Army, and other fine charitable organizations are most worthy of our financial support.

Look around you. If we love our neighbors as ourselves, we will see their sufferings as our own. It is time for Americans to break out of the isolated, comfortable shells we have occupied for so long. The economics of our world has changed. Leadership expert John Maxwell is fond of saying; “Change is inevitable; growth is optional.” If we will consciously seek to grow in concern for and love of our neighbors, we will all benefit, and become better people in the process.